


Falling, Catching

by Crosley_Tower



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas is jealous of Anna, Character Study, First Kiss, I am not up to date with supernatural, M/M, Pining, Referenced Anna Milton/Dean Winchester, So I must produce my own S1-5 content, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:07:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27733522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crosley_Tower/pseuds/Crosley_Tower
Summary: In the beginning, there was Hell. In Hell, Castiel saw Dean Winchester for the first time.A brief character study of Cas throughout season 4 (with one minor change).
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 45





	Falling, Catching

Human souls are poetry in light incarnate. They are questions shaped like answers. They are the warmth of a winter fire and the burn of a stray spark. A soul suggests in each verse its aspirations and hopes and fears and regrets and desires. A soul bends the darkness around it and draws out the light from wherever it’s found. Error and instinct are bound by perfection’s gravity, three parts of a single atom split by life’s trials to power the core of a blazing star. Even a broken soul burns, fighting and flaring until the very end. Even in Hell, a soul can shine.

Dean Winchester’s soul was as luminous as the sun itself. 

Castiel’s superiors had prepared him for the worst. He was prepared for an ugly, twisted nightmare. He was prepared for a gaping wound, a child of God already halfway from human. The armies of Heaven engaged a thousand demons in the blinding, crackling mess of a million million breaking souls, and in this chaos Castiel was tasked with finding a single one. Castiel was prepared for everything, but he was not prepared for Dean Winchester to be so beautiful. He was not prepared to see a golden, dazzling light shuddering and sparking to life the harder the darkness pressed in. And the darkness pressed. Hell had handed him the tools of his own destruction, but he would not break. From the most wretched heart of Hell, Dean Winchester’s light drew Castiel forth. 

And thus, the Angel of the Lord gripped Heaven’s vessel tight and raised him from perdition. 

What else was Castiel supposed to do when he learned that Dean Winchester didn’t think he deserved to be saved? Dean infuriated and frustrated and baffled and enraptured him to no end. In Hell Castiel had seen beauty, but he had never seen beauty take shape on Earth as fury, disobedience, irreverence, and the worst case of guilt that Castiel had ever seen. Dean would face off against God Himself for humanity, for his family, and for his duty to protect at all cost. What choice did Castiel have, then, but to love this man, and to show him love until he believed it? 

Everyone knew. Heaven’s garrisons could smell it on him the moment he returned from Earth. Dean Winchester was Castiel’s charge, but Dean Winchester was also his. When he called, Castiel came running. When they were in a room together, Castiel looked at him with wide-eyed wonder like he was Creation itself. They called it weakness. Castiel didn’t call it anything yet. This man was important to God, so Castiel would protect him with all the Grace God bestowed unto him. It wasn’t until he and Uriel came for Anna—where he saw Dean’s pain and Anna’s forgiveness and the way Anna pressed her lips so gently to Dean’s—that Castiel realized he wanted Dean’s love in return. 

As Anna ascended, Castiel fell. 

Anna was the only one who could understand, and it made Castiel seethe. Anna had disobeyed. Anna was a pariah. This wondrous, aching feeling inside Castiel could never be close to anything Anna ever felt. This love felt good and just and right. No love for Dean could ever be wrong. But his love only became a problem after Anna’s return. Heaven learned of her entanglements with Dean, and only then did Heaven warn Castiel. To them his love for Dean was the door to his disobedience, just like Anna’s love for humanity was the door to hers. When she came to comfort him, she knew what Castiel felt. She knew that he felt. Something twisted in Castiel’s stomach as she held his hand with the same hand she used to touch Dean Winchester. He let go. 

Whenever Dean asked for help, Castiel was ready to do anything before he even knew what Dean wanted. He wished Dean had known that. Castiel didn’t need the speech or the accusations to fight for Dean until his last breath. They hurt. Dean, of all people—the perfect son, the devoted older brother, designated defender of the innocent by his father’s decree—did not understand him. Castiel loved his Father, and so he obeyed. Obedience was strength, wasn’t it? How could Dean not understand? Dean Winchester was everything and nothing like Castiel thought he would be. He was the vessel of Heaven in the war against Lucifer, savior of humanity, handpicked by God Himself. But he was so, so angry. So scared. So distrustful. Try as he might, Castiel could never explain himself to him. He wanted Dean to understand. 

But somewhere along the line—God knows when—he managed to get through to him. He became “Cas.” Even as Dean pushed back against him, decried the Will of God, and cursed all the Angels in Heaven, Castiel was still Cas. Dean opened the door, and Castiel walked right through. 

“You guys aren’t supposed to be there. You’re not in this story,” stuttered the Prophet. 

Castiel stood firm. He had come this far and nothing would move him. Not even the Word of God itself. 

“Yeah, well… we’re making it up as we go.”

The room quaked. Light streamed through the rattling shutters. The voice of Raphael shattered through the air from Heaven above. 

The Prophet braced himself. “Aw, man, not again! No!”

Castiel turned to Dean, and Dean was already looking his way. 

“It’s the Archangel. I’ll hold him off,” Castiel said. “I’ll hold them all off!”

“Wait! What about you?”

“Just stop Sam.”

He would never forget the way Dean looked at him in that moment. His eyes were raw with worry, but not just for Sam. Castiel could see the gears turning in Dean’s head, searching somehow for any other way. Castiel laid his hands on Dean and pulled him close. 

The kiss was gentle. Slow. Castiel wouldn’t be on this Earth much longer, and he wanted to tell Dean everything he didn’t have the time or words to say. He imbued the moment with every last drop of longing and fear and love he had in him. Castiel had never kissed anyone before. He hadn’t had the occasion nor the intention to. But he had been on Earth long enough to see the way longtime loves were with each other—comfortable, soft, and at home. Castiel lost Heaven, his siblings, and his Father. In the grand cosmic scale Castiel had only known Dean for the equivalent of one fleeting second, but already Dean felt like home. Already, Castiel loved Dean. 

He pulled away, but Dean gripped him tight and held him near. They were so close. He had never seen that look in his eyes before. 

“Cas—”

Castiel placed his hand on Dean’s forehead, and then Dean was gone. And soon, so was Cas.

**Author's Note:**

> So, uh, Supernatural ended. What a decade this month has been.
> 
> I’m indulging in some early season Supernatural, so there’s a chance I might write more pre-Season 6 stuff. I’ll post it if I do, so feel free to check back on my Works page!


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